Starry night
by Valtiatar
Summary: Sad and sweet oneshot that turned out to be a bit longer than I expected. Will they ever get to be together?
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, here it is, my first story in English. English is actually my third language so be kind to me. Please tell me if you find any grammar errors or other mistakes. I've written a lot but it has all been in Finnish. I'm quite happy about this story, though it was harder to make. Please please please tell me what you liked it and review! On with the story…**

Starry night

It really was a beautiful night. Everything was calm and peaceful. Stars on the night sky looked like diamonds on a black velvet. Wind was blowing softly. It made the trees move lazily and made their leaves make a sweet sound, like quiet whispering. Moon shone above earth looking cold and so very beautiful. The flowers on the ground seemed to suck the moon's light so that they too were glimmering.

Yes, the scene sure was beautiful. But it wasn't only that. Everything looked strangely cold and unmoving, like a picture, and it was all so very…lonely.

At least that was what a certain monk was thinking while standing on a cliff and admiring the spectacular view. It reminded him of someone. It was someone he would not have liked to think about but that seemed to be impossible. His thoughts had wandered to that person constantly for the past few weeks and it made him nearly insane. He wanted to forget. He wanted to forget the silvery hair that shone like that cold moon on the sky and the pair of golden eyes that looked like they could see right into your very soul and those soft looking lips and deep, rich voice that constantly echoed in his ears and…

Miroku inwardly slapped himself. What the hell was he thinking? Again! When would it stop? Why hasn't it already stopped? It was getting on his nerves, and sexuality. He hadn't groped Sango for ages, for god's sake! Why was he constantly thinking of someone else, when he had a strong, sexy woman right in front of him? Especially when that other one happened to be a man! And a blood thirsty demon. And his best friend's older brother. And he hated all human beings. And he was so damn hot and…

NO! Not that line of thought! Miroku slapped himself again, this time physically. It helped a little. But honestly the truth was that he just couldn't stop thinking about Sesshoumaru. No matter how hard he tried. Dear god, hadn't he tried! Problem was that everything, every little thing, reminded him of him. It really didn't help him that he was travelling with Inuyasha. No, it didn't help at all. Actually it was tormenting. One night he had found himself comparing Inuyasha's body to Sesshoumaru's. It had scared the hell out of him. And his thoughts had been so intense that he had needed a cold bath.

This night wasn't any better. He couldn't stand it anymore. The proud youkai lord was everywhere, he couldn't get away. He hated it! He hated the stupid demon and his stupid face and voice and everything he was!

Miroku fell to his knees. He buried his face to his hands and sighed. Who was he kidding? He was totally smitten by the angelic youkai. His mind was filled with him. His heart started to race just by hearing, or thinking, his name. And he wanted him. Not just watch, but to touch. He wanted so badly to touch Sesshoumaru's skin, he wanted to taste it, feel it, have it, and have HIM. He wanted to touch that shiny silvery hair and feel how it slides trough his fingers like thousand silken strands. He wanted to expose that toned body that was hiding under the armor. He wanted to know how those soft looking lips tasted.

And now he needed a cold bath. Again.

Miroku sighed and stood up. He gave the scenery one final, and a little longing, look and left to find a place to bath. He remembered Kagome saying something about a small mountain lake she had found in the forest. Kagome wanted to bath all the time. Miroku didn't quite get it. She had to bath every day, even if the water was ice-cold. Though, of course, Miroku never opposed the idea of a naked woman. Kagome and Sango looked absolutely lovely when they were shivering in icy water. Hmm… What would Sesshoumaru look like? Miroku shook his head. The image that rose to his head was way too distracting.

After wandering around for some time he found the lake Kagome had been talking about. It was pretty little lake. Water was strangely gloving in the moonlight. It reminded him of certain person's hair. Miroku grit his teeth and took of his clothes. He jumped in the water and gasped. It was freezing, and exactly what he needed.

Miroku looked to the sky. Stars were so beautiful. The whole world was beautiful and full of wonderful things but still Miroku's thoughts grew darker and darker.

He was in love. He was madly in love and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. Why did it have to be like this? Why, out of all people, it had to be Sesshoumaru? It wasn't fair! He had fallen in love with a person that most certainly wouldn't ever love him back.

This love was forbidden. Human monk can't fall in love with a youkai lord. It just doesn't work that way. It can't be like that! Especially if that lord happens to be your friend's evil brother, love like that isn't allowed. And let's not forget that that person despises human beings and is a MALE.

Miroku put his robes back on and sat down to the ground. After a while he lay down and watched the moon and stars with tears in his eyes. He really was miserable. Loving someone you can never have does that to a person. He couldn't even talk to anybody! No-one would understand. Everyone that knew Sesshoumaru thought him to be coldhearted and murderous killer. And in a way they were right.

Miroku didn't think that that was the whole truth thought. He had seen him to be something more. Sesshoumaru was capable of loving someone. He had shown such kindness to the little girl who was travelling with him that it made Miroku's heart ache. Not to mention that Miroku was certain that Sesshoumaru didn't really want to kill his little brother. With Sesshoumaru's power he could have disposed Inuyasha with one swing of a hand but he didn't. Actually their fights looked more like…well…not like real fighting at least. Maybe Sesshoumaru didn't make up with Inuyasha just because he thought he would betray his own mother by doing so. It did kind of make sense.

Oh, and most importantly, Sesshoumaru was absolutely the sexiest and most beautiful creature he had ever seen. That gave him a lot of points in Miroku's eyes. Unfortunately…

Miroku sighed. He did that a lot nowadays. But he couldn't help it; he was trapped after all, trapped in this forbidden love of his. He wanted to see his loved one so badly it hurt. It was getting harder and harder to hide his thoughts. Last time Sesshoumaru had showed up he had barely contained his overly happy smile and after that his heart breaking, sad face when he realized that he wasn't the reason Sesshoumaru had come.

How long could he go on like this? Love was supposed to be a wonderful thing. It was supposed to fill you with happiness, wasn't it?

Miroku wiped away a tear that was running down his face. He couldn't go on anymore. Not like this. He had to forget, he just had to, before this horrible, sweet love would eat him up inside. Before it would destroy him. He had to forget.

--

--

Sesshoumaru was staring at the moon. He hated it. It looked too cold. He hated it because it made the nights look so lonely. Night after night he would be standing there on the ground and the moon would appear on the night sky and glowing coldly in a mocking way saying: "Ha! There you are again, alone as usual." Sesshoumaru hated the moon.

Sesshoumaru frowned. The pain in his chest was getting unbearable. His heart ached and all because of some stupid human monk. Why had he, the great lord of the western lands, fallen in love with a human. A MALE human! It was unheard of. Intolerable!

But he couldn't help it. Miroku's deep brown eyes were so beautiful and something about him so soothing and yet strong that he couldn't stop thinking about him.

He wanted to devour the monk. He wanted to make him scream under his touch. Yes, he wanted to touch that body under those dark robes and see how that pair of brown eyes become filled with lust. He wanted to know what he tastes like. Those wonderful lips and every other part of him, he wanted it all.

Despite of his heated thoughts he was still as composed as ever. He was someone who had learned to control himself so that his weaknesses would stay unnoticed by others.

Unfortunately his thoughts were more than obvious to himself. He couldn't stand it, this weakness of his. He couldn't help thinking that he was just like his father, weak against one mortal, and he knew that he too would protect his human if it were to come to that. He had already proven that to himself with the little girl, Rin. He had come to love that girl. Rin needed him and it made him strangely warm inside. It felt like he wasn't so lonely anymore, he was needed.

Then again, if he hadn't met Rin, he most certainly had never taken notice of the human monk. Like meeting the girl had somehow opened his eyes. He wasn't sure he liked it…

That warm feeling, he was quite sure it was called love, was actually quite a nice feeling, at least he didn't HATE it. But then was that feeling he had with the monk, Miroku. It was something he didn't quite understand. It wasn't nice, it was painful.

And Sesshoumaru wasn't stupid. He knew very well that his love to that monk, yes, it was love, was totally doomed. The monk was, well, a monk. His job was to destroy youkais. That didn't put Sesshoumaru in a very good light… Besides, he was Inuyasha's companion. Sesshoumaru could only imagine what Inuyasha would do to him if he were to claim the monk to himself. Then he would really have to fight against Inuyasha and he really didn't want to do that anymore. His hate towards his brother had stopped long ago. 

But still, he couldn't just go and apologize, could he? He didn't do that. He didn't even want to be on good terms with his idiotic brother. He still wanted to be the one that kills him. That way no-one else would do that.

Sesshoumaru's biggest problem at the moment was that he had never been in love before. He really didn't know what he should do. What does a person in love actually DO? He didn't know the answer. He wandered if anyone did. Not to mention that his situation wasn't actually something one would call usual.

Most importantly, it wasn't good for a human to associate with a demon. Now that Rin was already travelling with him he found himself unable to leave her behind. What he should do is to leave the girl to some nice human village but that was totally impossible. And Sesshoumaru knew that it would be even worse with the monk.

It seemed, Sesshoumaru thought with aching heart, that the very best thing he could do, is just to let it be. He should forget the monk. Forget his existence. It shouldn't be that difficult, the monk was just a human after all.

Actually he had thought about this many times already. But somehow he always ended up going to his brother's camp just so he could steal even a smallest glance of the monk. It really was pathetic of him.

Sesshoumaru turned his eyes to the ground. No, he couldn't go on like this. He couldn't be weak like this. He had to close up his heart, just like so many times before. It wouldn't make any difference. He was already cold and just a memory of what he used to be before he started to protect himself over this. One would think one would learn something over the years but no, that never happens. No-one never learns.

Sesshoumaru turned around and walked away. He didn't look back.

**Liked it? Hated it? Please tell me. **

**Yours truly, Valtiatar**

P.S. There are a few people who have asked me to write a second part to this, but I'm not really a very nice person so if you don't REVIEW I'n gonna leave it as it is and you are gonna leave there hanging. HA!

Okay, so please review. I'm begging here and I absolutely HATE whinig and these long author notes so don't make me do this, please. REVIEW!!


	2. Chapter 2

River sings

The sound of the river filled the air. It is a beautiful sound; it flows and tinkles in the air and devours all other sounds on its way. Sesshoumaru listened to this voice. It made him feel calmer and more relaxed. He hadn't been himself lately and it was starting to show. The little girl, Rin, had just last night asked if something was troubling him. That had given him a shock, not that he had let it shown in any way but still it had surprised him. The girl was sharper than he had expected.

Something was troubling him, a great deal actually. He had tried to get rid of it but that seemed to be harder than to teach his stupid brother how to fight properly. He hadn't been able to eat or sleep or even think straight. His cool demeanor was cracking and he was growing restless. And all this because of some stupid, pathetic human. The monk was haunting him and he couldn't drive him away from his thoughts.

He had tried, on many occasions, to do that but it had all been in vain. He always found himself going to his brother's camp just to see him, to see Miroku. Sesshoumaru's heart skipped a beat when he thought of the monk's name. That made him irritated again. His heart had _actually skipped a beat_. Well now, wasn't that just great. He had turned into a lovesick puppy with heart problems! This wasn't like him at all. Inuyasha was stupid but even he would suspect something if Sesshoumaru couldn't find a way to seal these foolish emotions.

Sesshoumaru had a problem with hiding his emotions. That was unheard of. He hadn't had that problem since he was still a child, and that was a long time ago. He had learned to be a master at making everything to disappear behind that stony mask he wore. This was the first time in ages he was at loss of what to do. Things were getting confusing and Sesshoumaru had never been the type to like confusing things.

Sesshoumaru took a deep breath and closed his eyes. His thoughts flew away. They swirled in the air with the sound of water. One moment he was free of worries and let his mind follow the water. Nothing mattered anymore; there was nothing left to worry about. It lasted only that moment, a moment that was all too short, but it was enough to make him feel a little more composed, and a little more lonely.

You see, life is uncontrollable. If you try to control it, you must drive away everything that makes you feel something. Feelings are something that work in their own way. Even the person holding those feelings can't say where they are going to lead him. It is scary to know that there are things in your life that can completely take hold of it if you aren't careful enough. That's why control is so important.

Control, it's a funny thing that 'control'. It makes your life so much easier and yet so much more harder to bear. 'Control' brings with it 'loneliness' and that certainly is frightening. You see, to gain 'control' to your life, you must first get rid of something utterly irrational and that's your own feelings. Feelings are the main reason to all confusion and 'confusion' is a faraway place from 'control'.

On the other hand, if you do not have any feelings, do you really have anything at all? Yes, you do. You have 'control'. Control over yourself, power to make rational decisions and power to put aside everything that might affect your decision making. Sesshoumaru called that 'freedom'. He was free to be himself without anyone interfering. He didn't care what other people thought about him, that didn't affect in any way to his doings. He didn't care if people thought of him as a frigid killer or what they thought of him keeping a human child by his side. He didn't care, He really didn't care…

And exactly there, right there, lies the problem of 'control'. When you don't feel, you don't care and when you don't care, you have nothing left. That is the time you start to feel. There will come one feeling, just one, and it will consume you. That feeling, the scariest of all, called 'loneliness'. After you remember what it is, you no longer can get rid of it. Loneliness will haunt you because at that point you are already so deep inside your own 'control' that you can't step outside from the cage you have build for yourself. And it's not only that you _can't_ it's more like you don't know _how _to do it.

So, after that, you will find yourself in a position you never thought to find yourself in. You are filled with 'want' and all those other feelings you have tried not to notice. And now, because of the cage, you can't get them out and so those feelings keep confusing you in your own world of control. In the world that allows no-one to come in.

That was the matter with Sesshoumaru, the great lord of the western lands, and more than anything he was hoping that there would be someone who could step inside his cage and share it with him. Maybe that was the reason he kept thinking about Miroku, that gentle yet strong monk. Perhaps he would be able to break inside the cage. But if that were to happen, he would be a prisoner too, just like Sesshoumaru was, and truth to be told, Sesshoumaru didn't want that either.

Sesshoumaru let go of the sound of the river and opened his eyes. His gaze met the cruel, lonely world. If he had tried to organize his thoughts, he had failed miserably. Everything was still the same. He was alone, he didn't know what he should think and he most certainly didn't know what he should do about this issue with the monk.

Sesshoumaru didn't even quite realize what was it in that monk that made him want him so much. He didn't even remember ever exchanging a single word with him. That wasn't so surprising though, Sesshoumaru never spoke unless he had something to say. He didn't dislike talking; he just didn't find it necessary to babble nonsense. If you talk only when you need to, others will listen to you much more likely than if you'd just talk all the time.

All of a sudden Sesshoumaru felt himself tired, more tired than he had been in a long time. It was rare for him to tire, but all these confusing thoughts really were taking energy. These were the times he wondered how humans coped with all those emotions they've got. Thinking how emotional race humans were it was a wonder that they still existed at all. Sesshoumaru was in need of a bath. He knew there was a small lake at the end of the river he was walking by. He actually preferred hot baths but cold one would have to do this time.

Sesshoumaru walked slowly towards his destination deep in tough. That's why he realized too late what he should have realized much sooner. He had almost reached the lake when his nose cached a far too familiar scent. This mesmerizing scent filled his sensitive nose and made him feel rather dizzy. The scent belonged to the same person who kept bothering his thoughts; it was Miroku's wonderful smell and it seemed like he was having a bath in a same place he was about to.

For some unknown reason to Sesshoumaru, he soon found himself sitting in a tree watching to the lake and more importantly, watching the man in it. He had no idea what so ever what made him do such a thing. It wasn't like him at all to behave like that but he couldn't help it, not when he was facing so enchanting sight.

Miroku's clothes were tossed carelessly on the ground. He was sitting on a rock in the water his eyes closed. He had spread his arms over the rocks and his hair was free from the usual short ponytail. 

Sesshoumaru let his gaze wander over the muscular upper body and cursed silently that he couldn't see more. Then he remembered himself and lifted his eyes to watch Miroku's face. Then he saw it, the look on the monk's face. He looked a bit strange; Sesshoumaru had never seen anything quite like it. His face looked calm and beautiful but at the same time worried and anxious. Those were the things that Sesshoumaru was able to recognize at least. He wasn't used to seeing so many emotions on persons face. Rin always shoved her emotions but she was still so small and her personality was also like that, she had most of the time only one feeling on top of the others so it wasn't so hard to figure out what she was thinking. Miroku on the other hand was completely different and because of Sesshoumaru's lack of experience with emotions he couldn't understand the expression Miroku was showing.

Still, in Sesshoumaru's eyes, Miroku was more beautiful than he had ever been, lying there looking so vulnerable. Sesshoumaru couldn't deny it, it was awfully tempting situation, but he was no brute, so he just sat there on the branch and admired the beauty in front of him and wondered if he could get any closer without being seen.

After a while Sesshoumaru started to wonder if the monk was feeling well. He was frowning now, but otherwise he hadn't moved at all. Miroku was still lying against the rocks looking more and more puzzled by the second. Something told Sesshoumaru that everything wasn't alright but he couldn't get himself to go there and ask. That would have been a bit too weird. Especially when he was behaving like a total lovesick idiot and that was something he would never ever remit himself to be.

Sesshoumaru felt himself frown just like the monk in the water. He really wanted to know what was it that made him behave like this. What was it in the monk that intrigued him so much? He was sure that if he were to talk to the monk he could get an answer but somehow he was afraid to do so. He was afraid that he couldn't control himself anymore and would seriously fall for Miroku and that wouldn't be a good thing at all, not to Miroku or to himself. Things would turn problematic, and problematic things tend to be confusing and Sesshoumaru didn't like either. Even though his world of control was making him feel lonely, it was still his world and he didn't know any other way to live. If things would get too confusing for him to handle, he might act like the demon he is and destroy everything, even his loved one. The very thought made him, almost, shiver.

Then it hit him, when had he started to think of Miroku as his loved one? Did he really _love_ the monk? He had wanted to think of this all as just a little whim, a moment's weakness; he was just and only lusting over Miroku, nothing more. Now it seemed though that he had gone pass that point a while ago, no helping it. But still, Sesshoumaru thought, it shouldn't be a problem. He would be able to keep his thoughts as his own. Unrequited love wasn't really something he had thought he should have to handle someday but it didn't matter. He had kept everything hidden before so he could do so now too. Not just his own sake but Miroku's. He didn't want anyone to hurt him. He would be able to seal away these foolish emotions but only if their relationship would stay as distant as it had been until now. Sesshoumaru was stubborn but he was no fool, he knew that if the monk would come any closer to him, in any way, he would most definitely claim him as his own and that would pretty much destroy all his careful planning.

Lost in thought Sesshoumaru had been staring at the monk the whole time. That's why he didn't notice that the sun was about to set and the air was getting cold. And even though he was keenly staring at Miroku, he didn't notice that the said person was now moving very restlessly on his seat and had even more visible frown on his face than he had had before. Sesshoumaru's ability to concentrate on what he was doing was doing him a bad service because when the beautiful brown eyes suddenly opened and stared right to his direction and Miroku spoke, Sesshoumaru nearly fell from his hiding place.

"So how long exactly are you going to just stare at me, huh?" Miroku said sharply and leaned his head to his fist.

**Okay, I decided to be nice and added a second part to this story even though it was ment to be a oneshot. And now it seems that this is going to be longer than I expected... Well, doesn't matter I guess... This always happens to me... Sorry that this chapter is so short, I'll try to update soon. It would be nice to hear your thoughts of this. And do you want a happy or a very angsty ending? My mind is still open to suggestions so tell me what you think. **

**I'm not sure if I am able to write a very good yaoi-scene but if you want, I can TRY. I still think that this story needs more sensual than grphic things but I'm flexible with this thingy so share your thoughts.**

**Yours truly, Valtiatar**


	3. Chapter 3

Playing with fire

Miroku could feel the steady gaze on him. He didn't know if he should be scared as hell or extremely honored. He didn't know what to think, it was all very confusing but it had been like that for awhile already so little more confusing things would be nothing.

Ah, what the hell! Who did he think he was kidding? This was beyond confusing. This was distracting and uncomfortable and many other things he couldn't think a name of at the moment. Why did Sesshoumaru of all people have to be there staring at him? And why was he staring? Things didn't make any sense. Perhaps Sesshoumaru thought that if he waited, he would meet Inuyasha. No, that really didn't make any sense at all. If Sesshoumaru wanted to fight with Inuyasha he could just go and find him.

All Miroku had wanted to do was to take a nice cold bath. The reason he had wanted to do so was the same as every single time for the past few months; he had been thinking about Sesshoumaru and things had turned out to be rather uncomfortable. But now the cause of his problems was staring at him from the shadows of the woods and it didn't make him feel better at all. It was hard as hell to keep yourself cool when the person you are longing for is watching you way too keenly.

Miroku was starting to be seriously in trouble. Sango and Kagome had been asking questions Miroku would have preferred them not to ask but they were women after all so how can you stop them from being nosy? Inuyasha was luckily dense as ever so there was nothing to worry about in that area but that would soon be different if things wouldn't change and quickly.

Miroku thought about Sesshoumaru even more than he had before. It was like a picture of the man had been carved to his memory and no matter what he looked at he could only see Sesshoumaru. And the most distracting thing about that picture was that Sesshoumaru wasn't wearing his armor, or anything else.

It wasn't actually helping either that Sesshoumaru seemed to want to do this even harder for Miroku to bear. For some unknown reason Sesshoumaru had been coming to bother Inuyasha quite frequently lately and it was almost everything that needed to make Miroku insane. Just the very sight of Sesshoumaru in his all mighty persona was a real turn on and a huge annoyance at the same time. It's hard to hide that you are lusting for someone especially if the person in question is someone who practically turns your organs to jelly and makes your heart jump out of your chest. Not to mention what that person does to other, very uncomfortable, parts of your body.

And it wasn't just Miroku's body Sesshoumaru was making a mess, it was his heart and mind too. Miroku had been a womanizer as long as he could remember and even though he was a huge flirt, this was the first time he had set his eyes on a man. That would have been enough to confuse anyone but of course it couldn't be that easy with Miroku, could it? No, the person he was in love with had to be his best friend's hated brother. And then there was Sango. Miroku didn't know what to do with her. He had really loved Sango, honestly, but somehow it had died on their way together. He still loved Sango, but he wasn't _in love_ with her. This was a perfect chance to learn the difference between those two conditions of the heart. The fact was that Miroku was very much in love with Sesshoumaru and there wasn't a way out of it.

Miroku used almost all the time he got trying to think of a way to forget Sesshoumaru and how good looking he was and that kindness he had seen a glimpse of. That was the worst part. Miroku had seen something he shouldn't have seen. If he hadn't seen that he would probably be much more happier right now but this just couldn't be easy, could it? If he hadn't seen what he had seen it would have all started and ended to lust. He could have got rid of the feeling of lust. All he would have had to do was to get a few women to entertain him but now it was impossible. Even if Sango were to get a sudden hit on her head that would make her to jump on to him there would be no way he could do it. That's how messed up he really was.

Miroku had seen a glimpse of the forbidden. He had seen the softer side of the great yookai lord. Miroku had used his cursed reasoning and he had sympathized Sesshoumaru. He had a theory why Sesshoumaru was what he was and it was strangely positive picture he had painted of him. Miroku wanted to get to know him better and make sure he had seen the right thing. That was a problem. He shouldn't get to know Sesshoumaru. If Sesshoumaru would come any closer to him in any way, physically or mentally, Miroku knew he would give in to him and then there would be no returning. Luckily it was very unlikely that Sesshoumaru would take a notice of Miroku.

Yeah, that was what Miroku had been thinking and that made this situation even more dangerous. Miroku had placed all his hope to the fact that Sesshoumaru hated humans and wouldn't ever come close to Miroku, especially if he were alone, but now the damned yookai lord was there, watching him way too intensely.

Miroku had felt Sesshoumaru when he had come closer and closer to the spot he had bathed in. Unfortunately Miroku had been too focused on getting his arousal to disappear that he had felt it too late so he couldn't get up from the water without being seen, and standing naked in front of Sesshoumaru wasn't something he wanted to do at the moment. Miroku had been more than surprised when Sesshoumaru's presence had suddenly moved to the woods and he had felt a pair of eyes on him.

Since then Miroku had stayed as still as he possibly could afraid of moving. Moment after moment he was growing even more restless and his own thoughts were that of pure agony. How could he act in a situation like this one? Maybe if he would just stay where he was Sesshoumaru would soon get bored of looking. But when the sun was about to set and Miroku was getting cold Sesshoumaru still hadn't moved from his watching spot and Miroku was tired of waiting. He gathered all his courage and snapped his eyes open.

"So how long exactly are you going to just stare at me, huh?" Miroku said sharply and leaned his head to his fist.

Miroku was more than surprised when he heard rustling from the foods. Had he actually made Sesshoumaru startled? No, that couldn't be possible, not in a million years. But anyway, this was bad, very bad. Now he had talked to Sesshoumaru and he could only hope that the yookai wouldn't lower himself to talk back to Miroku but would instead just fly away. Unfortunately that didn't happen.

Miroku's breath got caught in his throat and he was sure his heart stopped in his chest when he saw Sesshoumaru walking elegantly out of the woods like he would have been just passing by. He wasn't wearing his armor, just the silk outfit he was usually wearing under the armor. His hair was floating in the air like a river of moonbeams and his eyes were gloving like molten gold in the light of the setting sun. Miroku wandered how anyone could be so beautiful, that kind of beauty must be illegal. It seriously destroys ones mental health.

Miroku wasn't sure just where he should be looking at. The sight of Sesshoumaru was almost too much for him to handle but he couldn't very well look away either, could he? That would make him look weak.

Sesshoumaru walked closer and closer his face as stony as ever. Miroku hated the fact that he couldn't figure out what the man was thinking but he also found it a bit exiting. That mysterious aura just added Sesshoumaru's gorgeousness. In a way it was disturbing.

Miroku felt sudden chills run down his spine. He had thought that it was bad enough to just feel Sesshoumaru's intensive gaze but now that he was facing it… Not to mention that Miroku had gotten extremely aroused just by imagining Sesshoumaru but now he had the real thing in front of him and to top it all, Miroku was naked. Even if Miroku would be able to control himself now there really wouldn't be no escaping from the wet dreams that would surely follow. Miroku wasn't sure which he wanted the most: to run away as fast as he could or Sesshoumaru to take control of the situation and just claim him as his own. The last option was dangerously tempting but just as scary at the same time.

"You knew it was me", Sesshoumaru stated with his sinfully deep and melodic voice. Miroku loved that voice. It was as strong and beautiful as the person who used it and that voice made Miroku's insides ache rather painfully.

"Yes, I knew it was you", Miroku answered and was very proud of himself; his own voice was almost like normally.

"How?"

"I _am_ a monk after all you know", Miroku huffed. If he could think of Sesshoumaru as an arrogant bastard he just might get through with this.

"Yes, that you are", Sesshoumaru said and stopped. Then he just stood there his eyes fixed on Miroku.

"Umm… Why exactly are you here Sesshoumaru?" Miroku asked hoping to get an answer to his unusual behavior. It would be more likely though that Sesshoumaru would just stay quiet or leave without saying a word.

To Miroku's surprise Sesshoumaru spoke: "I was thinking of having a bath but as you probably noticed, I found the place occupied."

"You can have a bath you know. It's not like I could stop you, right?" Miroku was sure he had lost his mind completely now. This was exactly the kind of situation he had sworn to avoid but now he was actually inviting Sesshoumaru to join him! He could only hope that Sesshoumaru would walk away.

Sesshoumaru stayed quiet for awhile and it made Miroku nervous again. "Perhaps I will then", Sesshoumaru said suddenly and started to remove his clothing. Miroku noticed that it was now he who was staring and turned his eyes to the water blushing slightly. He heard Sesshoumaru getting in the water and couldn't help but to take few brief glances at him.

Sesshoumaru was bigger build than he was. His muscular body was flawless and his skin was pale and smooth. His long hair floated on the surface of the water and his eyes were still glowing in the light of the setting sun. Yeah, Miroku was doomed.

Suddenly Sesshoumaru dived and disappeared under the water. When he got to the surface again Miroku had to grit his teeth. Now he couldn't even have cold baths without getting hot and bothered. The image of a soaked Sesshoumaru was so sexy that Miroku couldn't turn his eyes away even though he knew he should do exactly that and quickly. How could a person look so damn wonderful even when he was dripping wet?

All of a sudden Sesshoumaru turned to look at Miroku and Miroku couldn't help but blush even more deeply. He had been staring. Sesshoumaru raised his other elegant eyebrow and asked: "What is it monk? Is something wrong?"

That question shocked Miroku even more than any other thing he could have done. Miroku had been right and he hated it. There really was something in Sesshoumaru under that cool surface. Only a person who has something in his heart can ask a question like that with a gentle tone. Miroku truly hoped that Sesshoumaru hadn't used that tone.

"No. Nothing's wrong, thank you for asking. I'm just a little bit cold" Miroku muttered and finally turned his eyes away. He had to get away from the water and more importantly, away from Sesshoumaru.

"That is no wonder. You have been here quite some time."

"Uh, yeas, I guess I have. Well, I will be going now then", Miroku stammered and rose from his seat.

Unfortunately Miroku's legs weren't co-operating and the lake's bottom was rocky, slippery and uneven which lead to Miroku losing his balance. He only just realized that he was falling when a pair of arms caught him. He looked up and saw Sesshoumaru's face. His first thoughts were something like: 'Wow, he really moves fast even in water' and 'Isn't this what usually happens in stories?'

Then it hit him. He was in Sesshoumaru arms.

Naked.

Bare skin against the bare skin.

And that face, Sesshoumaru's face was so close. Miroku could see the colorful orbs of Sesshoumaru's eyes and feel his silky hair and body heat against his skin. Those strong arms held him so gently. But the most disturbing thing about the situation was the smell. Miroku could smell the manly yet sweet scent of Sesshoumaru's body and that smell was intoxicating. It felt like Miroku's head had filled with fog and his thoughts had frozen in his head. The only thing he could do was to look at Sesshoumaru in the eyes and hope the time would just stop.

"Are you alright, monk?" Sesshoumaru asked a little huskily.

Miroku could only nod. Then he remembered where exactly he was and panicked. He pushed Sesshoumaru away surprisingly easily and ran out of the water. Sesshoumaru didn't even flinch. Miroku dressed quickly and tried to organize his thoughts. What the hell had just happened? He gathered all his willpower and turned to face Sesshoumaru. "It was nice to see you, Sesshoumaru. Thank you for catching me before I fell. Good bye."

Miroku didn't give Sesshoumaru time to answer. He ran away as fast as he possibly could and didn't look back. He knew that if he did, he would go back to Sesshoumaru and that wasn't something he was ready to do, even though it was something he desperately wanted to do.

It was all Sesshoumaru's fault! Why the hell had he been like that? Why couldn't he have just behaved like an arrogant bastard he usually acted to be? Why had he shown his gentle side like that? Miroku didn't want to see it. It was hard enough to bear as it was, Sesshoumaru really didn't need to make it any harder!

Miroku's heart felt like it would split into little pieces. No, it was already in pieces. His chest hurt, he couldn't breathe and his thoughts were a mess. If someone would ever say to him that love was a wonderful feeling he would kill that person without a second thought.

Love wasn't great; it was tormenting and just pure agony. Love in itself is a good feeling to exist but when it gets mixed with passion… Well, things get complicated and totally uncontrollable. Passionate love is cruel. It breaks the one who feels it. If you feel it, you get consumed by it. If you feel it, nothing is enough anymore. You want more and more of the one you love so passionately and in the end that feeling comes so intense that it will destroy you both. Then everyone else you meet will become an enemy who will try to take your loved one away and every moment you can't see and touch your loved one will feel like never ending torment.

And there, under the darkened sky and old trees, Miroku fell to the ground gasping and shedding tears because of the love he felt. Because of the love that could never be complete.

**And here is the third part... I hope you liked it and I hope I was able to make you feel something. And now that I'm babbling here I might as well answer to dear _skullcandy_(_there was a number here but I don't remember it_) who has been reviewing. No, I do NOT plan to make Sesshoumaru a uke. That does NOT fit. If the pairing is Sesshoumaru/Miroku then Sesshoumaru is deffinetly seme. Buuut if the pairing is Naraku/Sesshoumaru THEN Sesshy gets to be the bottom. Okay? I mean, it's not like our dear doggie boy would submit to a human, right? Well, think what you like, that's my opinion. **

**Share your thoughts with me. I don't care what they are but I preffer if they are about the story here. And many thankyous to those who already have reviwed, I like you guys (and thats rare for me to say).**

**Truly yours, Valtiatar**

P.S Lovely skullcandy didn't ask me to make Sesshoumaru uke but asked _if _I am going to do that, I just wanted to make that clear. Now I shut up.


	4. Chapter 4

Clouds and rain

Sesshoumaru didn't know what was wrong with him. When Miroku had called his name it was like his own reasoning had gone somewhere faraway place and his body had just worked on its own accord. He had walked out of the woods and couldn't have stopped admiring the beauty in the water. He had just barely restrained himself from pouncing onto him. Miroku's face had been seductively flushed and his eyes were so warm-looking and adorable. It made Sesshoumaru want to ruin him. He wanted to see how those eyes would turn filled with passion, lust and want and how that lean body would answer to his touch. Sesshoumaru couldn't stop imagining, he couldn't stop watching.

And then when Miroku had talked to him, his mouth had just answered back to him like he hadn't any control over it. He couldn't help it. Miroku's voice echoed in his ears and his scent filled all his senses. Sesshoumaru's head was filled with white haze and he didn't even try to get rid of it. As long as he wouldn't touch the man in front of him it would all be alright. He would get this one moment of bliss and no-one would ever know. If only he could just look at Miroku for all eternity and never watch anything else. He could be happy like that.

Miroku talked again but Sesshoumaru wasn't quite sure what he had said. Even so he found himself answering something. He felt himself outsider in his own body. His mind didn't work together with the body, though he wasn't quite sure if his mind worked at all.

Right now Miroku was the only thing that was able to get into Sesshoumaru's head. There was nothing else than Miroku and Sesshoumaru's forgotten heart woke up again and felt like it was bursting from these newly discovered feelings. It was painful and so very sweet feeling at the same time. Sesshoumaru knew that even if someone would come to him now and tell him that Rin was in great danger he would be unable to go to her rescue if the other option were to stay there with Miroku.

That thought was enough to make Sesshoumaru a little aware of his surroundings again. How could he ever abandon Rin? And he had just been ready to do that, hadn't he? Sesshoumaru's hazy mind started to work a little again and he realized that he was in the water. He wasn't sure how he had gotten in but he could feel Miroku still sitting there on the rocks uncomfortably close to him.

Sesshoumaru was afraid that he might lose it again so he did what he could to clear his head; he dived. Water was pleasantly cool and refreshing. It still wasn't enough to erase the thoughts of Miroku who was so dangerously close. Sesshoumaru wasn't sure if it was the real thing or his imagination but even the water held fragments of Miroku, his scent and warmth, and it made Sesshoumaru feel like he was surrounded by Miroku. It was suffocating; he had to get out of the water.

Sesshoumaru got back to the surface and tried to get a grip of himself. It was a hard task. Especially when he could feel the monks eyes on him. Then he remembered again what he had wondered when he had been sitting on the tree branch. There seemed to be something wrong in Miroku. Before Sesshoumaru could stop himself he had already turned to face the monk and asked. That was bad. Miroku's reaction was pretty adorable though. He stammered and turned red. The confused look in his eyes was absolutely wonderful. Perhaps it was cruel to think that way but never mind that.

Then Sesshoumaru got a scare. Miroku slipped and was about to fall and hit his head to the rocks. Sesshoumaru moved as fast as he possibly could and got a hold of the falling monk. After that it became all haze again.

Miroku was in extremely alluring position in his arms. Their bodies were so close and Miroku's wonderful scent was even stronger than before and Sesshoumaru could smell how it got mixed with the scent of arousal. Miroku's skin was cold from the water but he was still strangely warm in his arms, like Miroku would have glowed. The monk's lips looked more than tempting and Sesshoumaru wanted nothing more than to press those lips against his own and taste them. But, as always, the most beautiful part of Miroku was his eyes; those beautiful brown eyes so full of emotions. It was also those eyes that prevented Sesshoumaru from doing what he most of all wanted to do.

Miroku's eyes had a terrified look in them. Sesshoumaru could also see fascination and perhaps a little bit of lust as well but most of all terror, and Sesshoumaru did not want to frighten the person he held in his heart. Suddenly Miroku pushed away from him and Sesshoumaru let him. He didn't want to, but he knew he had to. If he were to take Miroku now it would only hurt them both.

Sesshoumaru watched silently as Miroku stumbled out of the water and put his clothes back on; an action Sesshoumaru didn't appreciate. Then Miroku spoke again, Sesshoumaru still couldn't hear anything, he was too amazed by the sight he had just seen. It was when Miroku started to run away when Sesshoumaru came to and wanted nothing more than to stop Miroku and hold on to him. The monk's face had looked so tormented and Sesshoumaru wanted to make it all better for him again.

But now he knew, better than ever before, that he could never be the one to make it better again. He had just seen what he had been afraid to see. There was no mistaking it, Miroku obviously felt _something _towards him and that wasn't a very good thing. They were both doomed. Being together would never work, there were too many things against it and most importantly, Miroku and Sesshoumaru couldn't handle it.

Now that Sesshoumaru's heart was fully open he remembered again why he had shut it away. These feelings were too intense; they carved away your soul.

There are many kinds of ways to love someone. There is this thing called 'family love'. Sesshoumaru had never been very good with that. It seemed to be complicated. Of course one must honor one's family but to what extent? Should he really _love_ his immensely idiotic bastard brother who was born because his father couldn't keep his hands away from some human wench? Definitely not!

There is also this love that you feel towards your friends, though it's more like a strong affection if you asked Sesshoumaru's opinion. That kind of feeling makes you want to protect your friends from any harm that might come on your way. Sesshoumaru had never quite understood that either.

But what made love even harder to be understood was the fact that there are so many ways to love your chosen one, the one you hold most dearly in your heart. Some people seemed to treat their loved ones like they were precious. They adored them and held them on their palm like a delicate flower. Then there was this love that reminded Sesshoumaru of companionship. In that kind of love the partners were equal and they did everything together like they were only one mind in action.

Those weren't the only ways though. There was this love that only few in the world can feel. That kind of love is possessive and dangerous. It is filled with passion and want and no matter what, nothing is ever enough. This kind of love can only be felt once in a lifetime towards one single person. It seemed to Sesshoumaru that Miroku was this person for him and it scared him. Love this possessive can only bring destruction. When you feel something that powerful you will always want more. So even if Sesshoumaru would now run after Miroku and take him right there he knew, deep down, that it would never be enough. He would always want more and even more passionately than before.

Sesshoumaru was quite sure that Miroku did feel something towards him but he wasn't quite sure what it was. It could be that it was only lust; Sesshoumaru had come across that many times. For some reason there was always someone after him, both men and women. Sesshoumaru had never been interested in them but he had realized why they were after him. But if the only thing that Miroku felt towards him was lust…

It would be bad. Sesshoumaru would probably do something he shouldn't do in any occasion. Even the thought of Miroku not feeling anything towards him nearly ripped his heart open. If this would keep up he might lose his carefully constructed nonchalant mask.

Sesshoumaru got out of the water and dressed himself. He started to walk again, back towards the place where the toad and Rin were waiting his return. A thought to find Inuyasha and fight with him crossed his mind. He was in a mood for little exercise; he had to release his build up tension somehow. Sesshoumaru abandoned the thought though after realizing that he might have to face the monk that way.

Wind moved Sesshoumaru's hair and brought the scent of the rain with it. Clouds were gathering in the sky, sun had set long ago. Sesshoumaru sniffed the air; there was a familiar scent in the wind. It was very weak but Sesshoumaru was sure he had recognized the scent right. It was the smell of bitter tears and Sesshoumaru knew who the one was shedding them.

Sesshoumaru felt like he was standing on a cliff ready to jump. He knew what he wanted to do and he knew what he should do and both were just as hard tasks to accomplish. He wanted to go to Miroku and sort things out but he was afraid to do so at the same time. He also knew that he should just forget the monk and go back to Rin. Unfortunately he had tried to forget the monk on so many occasions already that he was very much aware how impossible it actually was.

Rain started to fall quietly from the heavens like drops of angels' tears washing the earth from all the agony, but agony is a feeling that never disappears. It just finds a new target and this time it was Sesshoumaru's heart that it found. Sesshoumaru felt agonizing, crushing pain in his heart when the rain fell down and he made his final decision. He would go to Miroku and sort things out, no matter what the outcome. He would take him and hold him for that one night and rest would be up to fate… and Miroku.

Would he hate him? Would he love him back? Could he break into his cage?

Well, he would soon find out…

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**Aaand I leave it at that. Heheh. At least until I've got more reviews. The next chapter is going to be deliciously hot, but I'm not gonna post it until I get those lovely reviews you just love to give me. If I don't get any, I'm sending a mad Sesshoumaru after you. I don't feel like writing if I don't know that someone is reding my doings. After all, I write for you guys. And I'm serious with that mad Sesshoumaru thing!  
**

**I started a new story, it's going to be different than my other ones. It's also Sesshoumaru/Miroku, seems like I'm stuck with those two... Anyway, the story is called _Closed up Heart_ and I'd like you to go and read it. Tell me what you thought about it. That story is going to be hotter, longer and full of interesting characters. And I might have turned Sesshoumaru into a... well... weirdo... but in a good way I hope.**

**So, REVIEW you people! Thank you!**

**Yours truly, Valtiatar**


	5. Chapter 5

The cave of the heart

Miroku felt like life was drawn out of his body. He felt tired and crushed. He wasn't sure if could ever get up again. It was like some strange force was pressing him down.

Miroku smiled wryly and wiped a tear from his face. It really did feel like he had left his heart behind him. Somehow Sesshoumaru had managed to take it at that time their bodies had touched each other so painfully briefly. Miroku couldn't even feel the pain anymore. He was totally numb.

Moment after moment he fell deeper into despair without feeling anything. Even so the tears still kept running down his face like a prayer to heaven, a prayer that carried only one name. Wind carried that prayer and took it with it leaving Miroku there grieving alone.

Miroku tried to push himself up from the wet ground but there was no power left in his body. He only managed to sit up against a tree. Miroku closed his eyes and lift his head to face the rain. Cold rain washed his face. Miroku shivered from cold but couldn't get himself to find a shelter.

Miroku opened his eyes and watched the dark forest around him. It was all so very strange and dark. He felt himself alone and abandoned. Miroku was normally fairly positive and liked to think of the bright sides of things. He was a man who could survive no matter how hard the environment was. He knew how to take care of himself and he enjoyed journeying alone. Never before had he felt himself this lonely and useless before and it was all Sesshoumaru's fault.

Bloody Sesshoumaru was messing his whole body and soul and the bastard didn't even seem to realize anything. Miroku sighed and tried to gather his thoughts but the only thought that came to his mind was his want to see Sesshoumaru again and be held by him. That was disturbing.

Then, at the same time as a lightning struck across the cloudy night sky, Sesshoumaru stepped out of the shadows looking like an overly dramatic painting. Miroku was more than a little startled. He couldn't even imagine why Sesshoumaru was there. He should have known that Inuyasha was nowhere near.

Miroku also didn't know why he hadn't sensed Sesshoumaru coming. Perhaps he was just so messed up and full of Sesshoumaru that he couldn't tell the difference between his own imagination and reality. Even so, Sesshoumaru was there, watching him yet again with those eyes of his that looked like molten gold.

"What do you want?" Miroku asked sounding more miserable than he had planned.

Sesshoumaru just kept standing and looking. Miroku wasn't in a very good mood, for obvious reasons, and was starting to lose his temper. Why was Sesshoumaru staring at him like that? And it was already the second time that night. "What is it about me that makes you stare at me?" Miroku shouted. Now he was sure he had lost it. He had no real reason to shout at Sesshoumaru. It wasn't actually Sesshoumaru's fault that Miroku was getting insane.

No, he took that back. It was definitely Sesshoumaru's fault.

Then Miroku got the biggest shock of the night. Sesshoumaru's answer was something that Miroku had not expected, not in a million years.

"Everything", Sesshoumaru said in a deep and calm voice without moving his eyes from Miroku.

Miroku could feel how his mouth hung open like a goldfish and he found himself unable to talk.

"You have captivated me", Sesshoumaru continued, "and I am not sure if I like it. Images of you keep running in my mind and I am unable to concentrate on things I should be concentrating."

"You… to me…? But… I…" Miroku stumbled and just stared at Sesshoumaru totally dumbstruck.

"Would you let me hold you tonight? I have to find out what these feelings really are. I cannot wait anymore", Sesshoumaru said his voice as even as ever. Miroku wondered how the hell he did that. But that was not the right question at that time. Suddenly Miroku felt his reasoning come back and he could think again.

"Are you saying…" he began, "that you have feelings for me? And you wish to sleep with me?"

"I believe that is what I said, yes."

"But why?" Miroku asked and his face looked absolutely tormented.

"What do you mean?"

"Why do you come here and say things like that, things I can't resist? Are you just trying to torture me or something? Isn't this bad enough already without us taking it any further on our own free will?" Miroku screamed.

Sesshoumaru didn't show any sign of reaction but his voice was strangely gentle and uneasy when he spoke. "So you do feel the same way…" he murmured. "I was afraid that you perhaps might not, that I saw wrongly at the lake."

Miroku couldn't speak anymore. He felt the tears coming back to his eyes and he couldn't hold them back. He jumped up suddenly and ran to Sesshoumaru. He knew he was acting like a complete fool but he couldn't help it. He threw his arms around Sesshoumaru and sobbed against his shoulder.

They were both completely wet already but Sesshoumaru felt Miroku's tears as hot drops falling quietly on his shoulder. He held Miroku as he cried without saying a word. It was Miroku who spoke first: "This is stupid. We shouldn't feel this way!"

"Yes."

"There are so many reasons why we shouldn't…"

"Yes."

"What will become of us?"

"Shall we find out?"

Miroku nodded. It didn't really matter anymore. They were already this far and there was no way to go back.

Sesshoumaru smiled. It was a brief and barely noticeable smile but it was there and Miroku had never seen anything quite that beautiful. "Let's find some shelter", Sesshoumaru said quietly and lift them in the air.

--

--

The cave was dry but cold. Voices echoed inside it and made the place seem very hollow. But Miroku didn't care. He was only aware of the warmth against his back. Sesshoumaru pressed against him much gentler than Miroku would have wished him to. Miroku wanted Sesshoumaru to sweep him of his feet and make love to him passionately and without holding back. Miroku couldn't even find the words to describe how much he actually wanted Sesshoumaru to hold him.

It seemed though that Sesshoumaru had other ideas. He wanted it to last. He wanted to memorize every part of Miroku, every voice, every touch, and every single bit of him. Sesshoumaru took a deep breath and breathed in the sweet scent of Miroku. That scent was enough to make him wild and he just barely restrained the urge to rip the clothes off of Miroku so that he could see each and every part of him and claim him as his own.

Sesshoumaru pressed his lips gently on Miroku's neck and placed several kisses on it tasting the monk's skin. The salty yet sweet taste was intoxicating and so were the soft sounds Miroku was making. Sesshoumaru kept kissing his jaw line and ear while his arm wandered over the still clothed body trying to feel every muscle and curve through the ropes.

Slowly, too slowly to Miroku's liking, Sesshoumaru opened the ropes and let them fall to the ground enjoying every single moment of it. All the time he kept kissing and caressing the body in front of him. Sesshoumaru let his gaze wander over the toned back of Miroku's body and his restrain nearly snapped.

Miroku felt how the cool night air met his heated skin and it only made him even more aroused. He could feel how Sesshoumaru's silken clothes touched his skin every now and then and how Sesshoumaru's overly skillful lips kept marking his skin over and over again. He could feel how Sesshoumaru's hands draw hot lines on his skin and how his hot breath caressed his skin. Miroku was sure he would go mad if he wasn't to taste those lips soon. Miroku would have wanted to turn around and throw his hands around Sesshoumaru's neck and press their lips together but he felt himself too powerless to do that. Sesshoumaru had the whole control over the situation and Miroku wasn't able to do anything but to follow his lead.

And then Miroku felt his breath get caught in his throat when Sesshoumaru suddenly spun him around and captured his lips in a heated and passion filled kiss that was so sweet at the same time that is was more than enough to take your breath away. Miroku was intoxicated by that kiss and couldn't get enough of it. It was wonderful and painful at the same time. It was painful because just like they both had predicted, it wasn't bloody enough! With every touch they only wanted each other more making the bittersweet pain in their chest grow to the point of explosion.

Miroku kissed back hungrily and now that he had the chance, let his hands move to take off the horrible, insulting silken cloth that covered his beloved's body. Miroku wanted to feel their bodies together, skin against skin, just like once before when the moment had been gone all too quickly.

Sesshoumaru broke the kiss and pressed their bodies closer together. Their breathing was heavy and their eyes filled with lust and many other emotions they couldn't put into words. Sesshoumaru took Miroku in his arms and placed him on the cave's floor on top of their clothes. For a moment the only thing they did was just looking each other admiring what they had in front of them. Then Sesshoumaru reached out and his hands began their wandering again making Miroku squirm under his touch.

Sesshoumaru loved every sound that escaped from that mouth. Miroku obviously tried to stifle the sounds but Sesshoumaru would have none of that. He bowed his head so that his lips were right beside Miroku's ear and whispered huskily: "Let me hear you."

Miroku couldn't resist that rich voice that whispered in his ear. Sesshoumaru's voice had always had an effect on him and now more than ever. So when Sesshoumaru's hand went lower and lower down his body he couldn't restrain his own voice anymore. The cave filled with Miroku's quiet whimpering and louder moans. Miroku squeezed his eyes shut and let his head get filled whit intense feelings of Sesshoumaru. Miroku was sure that even if Sesshoumaru would suddenly cease his touching and would just whisper in his ear while Miroku would see the silvery hair he would surely lost it and go mad right then and there.

Sesshoumaru didn't feel any mercy though. He kept touching and when he noticed Miroku's closed eyes he whispered in Miroku's ear again: "Open your eyes, Miroku. I want to see all of you." Miroku shivered and slowly opened his eyes. Sesshoumaru loved the look in them. That beautiful look filled with lust, love and confusion was mesmerizing. Sesshoumaru admired the flushed face, parted red lips and lust filled eyes of Miroku. He had never seen anything more beautiful and that was what he whispered to Miroku's ear while giving it a small nip.

Miroku moaned unable to control his want anymore. Miroku placed his other hand around Sesshoumaru and buried his other hand in Sesshoumaru's silky hair and captured his lips in a second passion filled kiss that took Sesshoumaru totally by surprise. He didn't mind though. Miroku tried to pull his body closer for contact but that was something Sesshoumaru didn't want to give him yet. He broke the kiss and smiled a little at Miroku's loud protestations. "Aren't we eager", Sesshoumaru hummed in Miroku's ear again.

Miroku didn't know what Sesshoumaru had said. He only knew that Sesshoumaru's voice was the sexiest sound he had ever heard and that he wanted him _now_ before he would lose his mind completely. Sesshoumaru seemed to want an answer though so Miroku just nodded and hoped that it was enough of an answer. For some unknown reason to Miroku, Sesshoumaru chuckled, barely audibly, and that made Miroku even more turned on.

"Oh please Sesshoumaru, stop teasing already!" Miroku cried and looked at Sesshoumaru with pleading eyes. Sesshoumaru needed all of his self-control so he wouldn't just take the monk right away. He didn't want to do that. He wanted this to last but he decided to be merciful and reached down of Miroku's body to touch the one place he hadn't yet touched. Then he watched completely mesmerized the expressions on Miroku's face.

Miroku cried out loud of pain and pleasure when Sesshoumaru finally touched him in the place he most yearned of him to touch. Sesshoumaru was a cruel player, Miroku thought in his hazy mind. Why, oh why, couldn't he move faster? Miroku didn't know anymore what was coming out of his mouth but he was pretty sure he was pleading.

Sesshoumaru wasn't able to control himself anymore, not when he heard those delicious cries and pleadings coming out of Miroku's mouth. He crushed their lips and bodies together. The kiss was so full of feelings that they couldn't breathe. Neither one of them could not tell how long that breathtaking kiss lasted but after it ended they just couldn't wait anymore.

Their bodies joined and their heavy breaths mixed. Their hands touched, their mouths tasted and their movements increased until all was bliss and nothing else existed; only they were there, holding each other.

And so, with cries that echoed together in the small cave, they became one. Nothing could ever part them again.

Except the all too cruel reality…

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**I'm siiinging in the rain... and so on. Heheh. I'm happy. I wrote it. Did you like it? I've never written a scene like this before so I'm a bit troubled. I had fun though, a bit too fun to be honest. I had a little incident with my brother while writing this. if you want to know what happened go to my profile, I wrote it there just so I would remember it myself.**

**There's going to be one more chapter, I think. Perhaps two if I feel like it. Well, until then, enjoy your yaoi! REVIEW!!  
**

**And now I'm gonna go and hit my head to a wall so I don't became totally lunatic...**

**Yours truly, Valtiatar **_(you can call me Val if you want...)_


	6. Chapter 6

Before the Dawn

_Meet me after dark again and I'll hold you  
I want nothing more than to see you there  
And maybe tonight, we'll fly so far away,  
We'll be lost before the dawn..._

Miroku leaned against Sesshoumaru who was holding him tightly in his arms. They had made love all night long and they just couldn't get enough of each other. Even now when they both were exhausted and in each other's arms connected to their hearts, they didn't seem to be close enough. Miroku sighed. He could feel how Sesshoumaru's worries grew and it made him restless too.

"Did you find out?" Miroku asked quietly. "What will become of us?"

Sesshoumaru stayed quiet for awhile. He placed a kiss on top of Miroku's head and murmured in his hair: "Only future will know."

"How poetic…"Miroku said smiling a bit wryly.

"Perhaps, but it is the truth nonetheless."

Miroku took a strand of Sesshoumaru's hair in his hand and played with it. It was strange how naturally he could be like this. Just lay in Sesshoumaru's arms like it was totally normal. Like there was nothing wrong with it. How strange that only one night before he was crying his eyes out because he could never be Sesshoumaru's and see into his heart.

"It's a bit strange", Miroku said and kept playing with Sesshoumaru's silky hair.

"What is?" Sesshoumaru asked and nuzzled Miroku's neck.

"You", Miroku said and continued after awhile: "You're so different. It's like opening a door and seeing a totally different view than what you expected."

"Is that troubling you?"

Miroku turned around to see Sesshoumaru's face. He was so absolutely gorgeous. His hair was slightly messy and his features looked sharp in the dim light but he had such a kind and gentle look on his face that it made Miroku's heart skip a beat, yet again. Miroku looked into Sesshoumaru's eyes and saw that there was a slight of worry in them. "No, it doesn't trouble me at all. It just makes me wonder why."

"I do not understand", Sesshoumaru said his voice low.

"Why do you hide such a wonderful side of yourself? Why do you always wear that cold mask when that is all what it is, a mask. Doesn't it hurt? Doesn't it feel lonely?" Miroku asked. He kept stroking Sesshoumaru's silvery hair and his handsome face while he talked.

Sesshoumaru felt himself lost but it was a different kind of lost than before. He wasn't sure if it was a happy feeling or not but that didn't matter. Nothing else mattered as long as Miroku would keep looking at him with those beautiful brown eyes filled with so many emotions; love, trust, understanding and so many other things. Sesshoumaru felt the white haze fill his head again and he found himself unable to control what he was saying.

"Yes", he answered, "it's lonely. There are times it's almost unbearable. Like the feeling of loneliness is consuming me and leaving only an empty shell behind." Sesshoumaru couldn't stop himself from talking. Miroku had stepped into his cage. There was no holding back now.

Miroku was in awe. He had never, even in his wildest dreams, imagined that Sesshoumaru would say something like that. He was happy though. It only meant that Miroku had been right, there was more in Sesshoumaru than what he let shown and Sesshoumaru trusted Miroku enough to tell him. It made Miroku immensely happy, even if he sensed that it was something he shouldn't know. "If it is lonely, why do you keep shielding yourself?"

"What other choice do I have?" Sesshoumaru huffed. He looked sad when he spoke. "Have you ever heard of a yookai lord with a compassionate heart?"

"No. I can't say I have…"

"Exactly. That is because there is none. I am the lord of the western lands. I have to bare that burden till I face my end in this life. That has been my destiny since I was born. There are no other roads for me to walk. I have been trained since I was only a child to become what I am now. I am not allowed to let anything come and ruin it, not even my own feelings."

"But why do you keep doing it if it only brings you suffering", Miroku asked and tried to find the reason in Sesshoumaru's eyes. The only thing he could see was confusion.

"As long as I am what I am there is no-one else who would have to go through this. Inuyasha will always be safe from this destiny…"

Miroku raised his eyebrow questionably.

"…is what I would like to say but truth to be told, I have been like this whole my life. When I finally realized what had become of me it was already too late. I don't know how to step out from this cage of mine."

Miroku kept stroking Sesshoumaru's hair. He didn't know what to say. Hearing Sesshoumaru speaking like this made him sad. He wanted to make it all better for him but at the same time he knew that there was absolutely nothing he could do. Sesshoumaru had chosen his path, it was not in Miroku's power to go and change that.

"Don't look so sad, Miroku", Sesshoumaru whispered. He took Miroku's hand in his and kissed the back of it. "It is no use for you to be sad about it. I don't know if I am really either. This is what I am. You know that."

Miroku just smiled. "That was the first time you said my name" he murmured and gave Sesshoumaru a loving kiss.

Sesshoumaru felt his heart swell in his chest and a new kind of warmness filled his chest. "I believe you are right." They stayed quiet for awhile just looking into each other's eyes.

"Sesshoumaru?" Miroku asked suddenly.

"Yes?"

"What happens now?"

"You ask a lot of questions about the future, don't you?"

"Well, I have always had only a limited amount of time. I live while I can."

"So you want to know how I will affect to your living…"

Miroku nodded. Somehow he could already predict what the answer would be but he had to hear it. He needed to hear it so he could keep going on. If things would leave unsettled he could never let go and these memories would haunt him until he would go mad.

Sesshoumaru sighed. He couldn't look into Miroku's eyes anymore. "I…", he began but had to stop to collect his suddenly lost voice. "I can't be with you Miroku and you can't be with me either. I have to be the lord of the western lands and that leaves no room for lovers. I can keep Rin with me only barely. You have your own duties to. There are people who are waiting for your return."

"I know that. I just needed to hear…" Miroku said. The pain in his chest grew again. He knew that it would sooner or later come back again even worse than it had been before. Now he had got to taste this sweet love but he would have to give it up before it could even start. Miroku couldn't stop the tears that fell down his cheeks. He tried to hide them from Sesshoumaru but that of course was totally in vain. Sesshoumaru's sharp nose could easily discover what he tried to hide.

"Don't cry", Sesshoumaru whispered in his ear and held him close. They were like that for awhile. Then Sesshoumaru spoke again: "When the sun rises I have to take the role of a lord again."

"Yes. You must do that", Miroku said and pulled himself together. He didn't want this to end in tears. The tears that would surely follow could wait till that.

"But at night…" Sesshoumaru started and held Miroku's chin in his hand so that their faces would meet. "At nights I can be yours. If you want."

Miroku was sure that he had never been that happy in his entire life. His eyes light and the smile on his face was a genuine and bright. He felt himself as an idiot for smiling like that but it didn't really matter. "So you are saying that when the night falls…" Miroku put his both hands on Sesshoumaru's cheeks, "…you will only think of me?"

"That I will do no matter if you agree or not", Sesshoumaru answered and grinned a little. Yet again that grin was barely noticeable but Miroku saw it and it just made his smile grow even wider.

"Then you mean, I hope you do, that after dark… We could meet again. Sometimes."

"There will come times when I must see you and I wish we could be like this from time to time", Sesshoumaru said quietly and kissed Miroku.

_If only night could hold you where I can see you, my love  
Then let me never ever wake again_

_And maybe tonight, we'll fly so far away  
We'll be lost before the dawn..._

"I wish that too", Miroku smiled but there was also a hint of sadness in that smile. Sesshoumaru noticed this.

"You do realize that if we meet again like this, it will be every time harder to separate."

Miroku cocked his head a little. "Do you want to give it up then?" Miroku asked sounding worried.

"No", Sesshoumaru said after a short silence. "It doesn't matter what pain it will bring. It is far more painful not to meet. I need to see your face and hold you like this. After tonight I don't think I can bare endless nights alone again."

Sesshoumaru's voice was barely audible and his words gentle. Miroku smiled a bit wryly. Now he really knew how possessive love could be. He was the only one who got to see this side of Sesshoumaru and even if their relationship might be acknowledged if everybody knew what Sesshoumaru was really like under that cold mask, Miroku didn't want them to know. He wanted to keep this all to himself. He didn't want to share someone he loved. "After the night falls I want you to think only of me and see only me. When the dawn comes we continue to do what we are expected to do but at nights we can live in this world of our own and we can be together", Miroku whispered.

"It's a nice dream", Sesshoumaru said with a sad voice.

"It's our dream", Miroku said back and kissed him.

_  
Somehow I know that we can't wake again from this dream  
It's not real, but it's ours_

_  
_They continued to hold each other until the morning came and sun rose. And then, when the sun was up and birds were singing, they both continued their own journeys and it all seemed like it never even happened. There were no traces left of their one night together, except in their hearts, hidden away from the rest of the world.

Every night from that day one they always hoped that the next night would come and they could be together and every time the sun rose they cursed it. Every night they hoped that the night would take them away.

_  
Maybe tonight, we'll fly so far away  
We'll be lost before the dawn..._

_Maybe tonight, we'll fly so far away  
We'll be lost before the dawn..._

--

--

**LOPPU! THE END! I did it! This is the longest story I have yet written in English and I'm quite proud of myself because of that. Did you like it? I'm a very impatient person so if you think it is too sudden ending then please tell me. I can't tell...**

**The song I used in this story is _Before the Dawn_ by _Evanescence_. I was listening to this song while writing the story and I thought that it was spooky how well it fit in with this. To those who loath reading stories that are written together with a song I can only say that I'm _not_ sorry. It's a lovely song, you should listen to it too.**

**Now I'm going to consentrate on my own novel and _Closed up heart_.**

**If you have other pairings you'd like me to write about then tell me. I can do pretty much anything.**

**REVIEW!!**

**Yours truly, Valtiatar**


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